|
Q:
I have a relative that’s dying. How can we start talking about end of
life decisions?
A: These can be really difficult discussions, but
talking about these things is one of the most life giving things you
can do. Let me suggest five guidelines for talking about end of life
decisions.
Think about the goal…
What are you trying to accomplish by your medical decisions – longer
life, a return home, pain free death? What decisions need to be made to
reach that goal? Do you have an Advanced Directive? Are there things that
your relative needs to “get done” before they die? Talk about
it.
Speak from your gut…
These are very emotional things, but be honest about how you really
feel. “I think she is dying.” “I’m scared.”
“I love you.” “We need some more help making these
decisions.” Be sensitive to your loved one, but be honest with
yourself and others.
Take time to go back…
Spend some time doing “life review.” A person that is dying
may want to think about their past — their successes and failures,
hopes and dreams. Sit and listen to stories and memories. Allow a
person’s past to give you a picture of what’s valuable to
them for the future.
Draw close to God…
We are spiritual people. We may have spiritual, though maybe not religious,
thoughts as we approach death. Some may want clergy or specific religious
rituals, others may see family or nature as spiritually helpful support.
Find out what would help them “get centered.”
Remember to be gracious…
Emotions will be strong during this time. There will be stress, frustration,
fear and sadness. Be gentle with yourself and others, especially as family
and friends come together. This is a special time, but a difficult time.
Remember to take care of yourself in all this.
|
